If i am autistic which seems more and more likely it would certainly explain why I'm so interested in appearing and acting "normal" to my own detriment

@BellBell I have a great fear and disdain and a fundamental lack of trust of medical professionals. what insight would i really gain that I couldn't gain on my own?

@vriska It's hard to externalize a vision of yourself and deferentiate that from the norm. For example my fits of rage to me seemed normal, oh i just have anger issues I'd tell myself. I didn't realize it was an emotional cascade most people don't experience on a regular basis.

You gain the benifit of realizing your not unique and that several papers and peer reviewed studies exist on your archetype and that they have developed drugs and behavioral techniques tailored to your specific issues.

I've had a theory about you for a long time and autism doesn't make sense in that framework.

It makes sense to distrust the medical industry and it's useful to educate yourself on psychiatric disorders but getting an actual psych eval allows you to gain insight without trial and error. I got one, it was basically just a more indepth iq test. awnser 300 questions and preform these cognitive tasks. in one month we will tell you what we think is wrong.

it's not scary
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@BellBell My fear of doctors and the like stems from pretty bad trauma, it's very hard for me to make myself see them. I am trying to get better at it though. If you really think it would be beneficial, I trust and respect ur judgement. When I get better at conquering the doctor fear, I will try to get one done. Sorry for spotty and all over replies, phoneposting.

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