If i am autistic which seems more and more likely it would certainly explain why I'm so interested in appearing and acting "normal" to my own detriment

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@BellBell I have a great fear and disdain and a fundamental lack of trust of medical professionals. what insight would i really gain that I couldn't gain on my own?

@vriska @BellBell insight from someone that memorized hundreds of mental diseases
@vriska It's hard to externalize a vision of yourself and deferentiate that from the norm. For example my fits of rage to me seemed normal, oh i just have anger issues I'd tell myself. I didn't realize it was an emotional cascade most people don't experience on a regular basis.

You gain the benifit of realizing your not unique and that several papers and peer reviewed studies exist on your archetype and that they have developed drugs and behavioral techniques tailored to your specific issues.

I've had a theory about you for a long time and autism doesn't make sense in that framework.

It makes sense to distrust the medical industry and it's useful to educate yourself on psychiatric disorders but getting an actual psych eval allows you to gain insight without trial and error. I got one, it was basically just a more indepth iq test. awnser 300 questions and preform these cognitive tasks. in one month we will tell you what we think is wrong.

it's not scary

@BellBell I have never thought that I was normal, my self image has always been that I was unique but lesser. I have never really felt like a human in my life. I feel like I'm trying to blend in and trick people into thinking I deserve the same love and respect and rights that other humans do. I've had psych evals before.

When I was younger I was made to think autism was a life-ending diagnosis so I actually went online and looked up the "right" answers

@vriska I've suspected for a long time you have moderate to severe adhd but that's not a diagnosis and you shouldn't run with it. I'm not a doctor i just picked up on some contextual clues that are similar to me.

@BellBell Oh I do, that's how I get my adderall. Great theory man lmao

@vriska oh cool. try atomoxetine and concertta, it works better for me than adderall

@BellBell Not familiar with atomoxetine, I'll look it up. Adderall has been life changing, honestly. If something works better I'd be interested

@vriska atomoxetine and concertta are cns stimulants and neruoepinephrine reuptake inhibitors and that's just a fancy way of saying prefrontal cortex go brrrrrr

@BellBell I already take welbutrin to great effect. Two neruoepinephrine re-uptake inhibitors mixed with welbutrins dopamine reup inhibition plus my tendency for mania seems risky. Pharmacology is an interest of mine though, still gonna read on it

@BellBell My fear of doctors and the like stems from pretty bad trauma, it's very hard for me to make myself see them. I am trying to get better at it though. If you really think it would be beneficial, I trust and respect ur judgement. When I get better at conquering the doctor fear, I will try to get one done. Sorry for spotty and all over replies, phoneposting.

@vriska masking is a neurodiverse thing, not just an autism thing, but that's picking nits

i will say that pretty much every trans woman i've met has been nd, and the autistic ones are consistently a lot more interesting than the adhd ones

(idk if you're interested in formal diagnosis, but it's bullshit for a lot of reasons besides medical violence. self-dx is rad)

@1200bps I'm cis and im pretty sure thats part of how I dodged a diagnosis as a kid

@mono I'd be sincerely interested in hearing your thoughts on this when or if you have time. A few people I've talked to that are better read on the subject than me have said they think I'm "on the spectrum" so to speak.


everyone is on the spectrum

you do not exhibit any of the hallmark traits of autism such as excessive ritualized behavior, communication issues, poor kinesthesia and physical coordination, slow intellectual development, low empathy, poor body language recognition, poor ability to recognize and describe own emotions, or sensory abnormality.

@mono Thanks for the insight my friend. I will keep this in mind as I read more about it myself

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